Nortel Insider – by Desk Jockey

The view from one Desk Jockey

Nortel “Enhanced” Severance Package now on EBay

with 4 comments

severancepackage1If you ever wanted your own Nortel severance package, there’s one up for bid on EBay right now. Nope, it doesn’t include KEIP, KERP or a real executive enhanced severance deal or any other bonuses but it does include a good amount of humor, wit and funny writing free of charge.

Sorry to see you go fellow employee, but glad to see you’re trying to make something out of nothing. (E.G. the nothing that management gave you for all your hard years of service)


Written by Desk Jockey

March 27, 2009 at 5:48 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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4 Responses

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  1. The seller has really good sense of humor.
    I love some of the replies he is posting to potential buyers:

    Q: Is the calculator the kind used in Nortel’s accounting department?
    A: No. The difference is this calculator works so it wouldn’t be fit for that purpose.
    Q: Would you accept Nortel Stock Certificates in trade for this? I couldn’t possibly gather enough to beat the cost of the current bid, but I have found that they are extremely useful for drying bitter tears.
    A: I’ll have to think carefully about that – they could actually stuff the mattress and hold in heat.
    Q: Does this item come with the once popular “Mergers and Acquisitions” game? It was ever so trendy when I was there in the late 90s. Unfortunately, the Nortel team never did play it very well.
    A: Surely you don’t mean things like Clarify taking the place of Prostar, paying billions, selling for millions, and then licensing back? Or Bay Networks, the gift that kept on giving? I think that was a secret ploy to generate large amounts of tax writeoffs. There’s only a few of the acquisitions to be made, and they’re not by Nortel. See chapter 7 of Z’s upcoming book on management for dummies – straight to paperback, right next to O.J.’s tell-all. But back to the point, I don’t have a complete game – the dog bit the heads off of the John Roth and Frank Dunn figures, and my John Chambers game piece always seemed to win.
    Q: Hello, please clarify- if I win the package, will I first have to get a lawyer and sign up as your unsecured creditor, in order to receive any portion of it? Thanks, and best of luck to you.
    A: My only stipulation is that if you’re a current Nortel employee, you will have to pay cash and you cannot use your corporate AMEX.

    Happy Ex-Norteler

    March 27, 2009 at 8:35 am

  2. By the way what is happening with Nortel stock in recent days ?
    It has rocketed from 10 cents to 36 cents.
    I am not pump & dumping it.
    I would rather invest in Enron or Brex than Nortel stock

    Happy Ex-Norteler

    March 27, 2009 at 8:55 am

  3. I think the severance plan most of us are under is called “KITA/GTFON” aka “Kicked in the Ass/Get The Fuck Out Now.”

    If you’re real nice, as a bonus, the executives will kick you out with an expensive Gucci loafer instead of a steel toed boot.

    Nortel Tool

    March 28, 2009 at 9:07 am

  4. A cool post there mate . Thank you for posting !


    May 26, 2012 at 3:23 pm

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